Saddest Song Nominee: River

River
Joni Mitchell

Some songs on Dr. How Much's list of saddest ever are there because they are easy to make fun of, but other sad songs under consideration are really, really good. Joni Mitchell's River, for example, is a legitimately great song. It also includes all four of the critical characteristics of an unusually sad song: 1. It's about loss. 2. It's about love. 3. It's about regret. 4. It's about four minutes. A woman laments about a recent breakup for which she blames her own selfish nature. She wishes for a long frozen river on which she could skate away and fly. It was clear to Dr. How Much that this song deserved consideration in these postings when two separate lady friends independently mentioned it as their favorite song.

Mitchell is an important singer-songwriter (Rolling Stone magazine labeled her as one of the greatest ever) from the late 60's (she is still writing and performing today) responsible for many of the folkish introspective hits of the era, many recorded by Judy Collins, such as Both Sides Now, Chelsea Morning, and others, such as Woodstock recorded by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. River, from the 1971 album Blue, was never released as a single, but is a mainstay of her live shows. It is available these days on iTunes. River has achieved the highest indicator of importance possible for a popular song- it has its own Wikipedia entry! That entry lists more than 75 artists who have covered it. It is quite probably the saddest song ever recorded. Chek out these links below:

Joni Mitchell version

Joni Mitchell live version

Sarah McLachlan version

Robert Downey, Jr version from an episode of the TV show Ally McBeal

I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I made my baby cry

He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at ease
And he loved me so naughty
Made me weak in the knees
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I'm so hard to handle
I'm selfish and I'm sad
Now I've gone and lost the best baby
That I ever had
Oh I wish I had a river
I could skate away on
I wish I had a river so long
I would teach my feet to fly
Oh I wish I had a river
I made my baby say goodbye

Saddest Song Nominee: Honey by Bobby Goldsboro

Bobby Goldsboro had a minor string of pop and country top 40 hits in the mid to late 60's, writing most of them himself, as one of the first singer-songwriters of the era. His biggest hit, though, was a sentimental ditty written by Bobby Russell, about a man who misses his wife who has died young. It's not clear how she died. Was it a suicide? An illness? The lyrics are unclear, but give some tantalizing clues. He recalls coming upon her sobbing late at night and also in the middle of the day and when she wrecks the car. Was she depressed? Did he miss the signs and only now realizes her cries for help? Honey was number 1 on the pop charts for four weeks in a row and legend has it (i.e. Wikipedia) that the talented BG recorded it in one take. Goldsboro was also an excellent tunesmith in his own right and wrote some moving melodies. In fact, he's the creator of a song to be discussed later in these very pages. (Spoiler Alert: It's With Pen in Hand.)

Bobby Goldsboro Live Version

Bobby Goldsboro Original Recording

A pivotal verse:

She wrecked the car and she was sad
And so afraid that I'd be mad
But what the heck
Though I pretended hard to be
Guess you could say she saw through me
And hugged my neck
I came home unexpectedly
And caught her cryin' needlessly
In the middle of the day
And it was in the early Spring
When flowers bloom and robins sing
She went away

Saddest Song Nominee: My Daddy is Only a Picture

Saddest Song Nominee:
My Daddy is Only a Picture by Eddy Arnold

Early cowboy singer and, later, popular crooner Eddy Arnold released My Daddy is Only a Picture in 1948 with words and music by Thomas C. Dilbeck. There's no plot here, just the matter-of-fact explanation of a small boy when asked if his father is at home. (A simple 'no' would have sufficed, laddie). Information on the specific success of this recording is hard to come by (especially without leaving my comfortable chair), but Arnold was huge on the country charts in 1948 (likely the biggest country star that year) and My Daddy is Only a Picture made it at least to the top 5 as part of a phenomenal string of hits totaling 40 weeks at number 1 (country chart) that year! It is quite probably the saddest song ever recorded, and one should overlook the creepier Oedipal overtones of the lyrics. I have three versions below- two recordings and a touching home video of a real-life dad singing part of the song.

Eddy Arnold (1948)

Tex Morton (1949) Interesting yodeling at the end seems a bit out of place.

Home video 2009

Final Verse

I try to cheer up my Mommy,
When the tears run down her face,
My Daddy is only a picture,
but I'm trying to take his place.

Saddest Song Nominee: The Christmas Shoes

Saddest Song Nominee
The Christmas Shoes
Newsong

In 2000, a gravely voiced Christian singing group Newsong, released a CD with a "bonus track", a story song written by Bob Carlisle called The Christmas Shoes. It was an anecdote of a man waiting in line at a department store near Christmas eve overhearing a boy trying to buy some shoes for his mother. You see, she's sick and dying and will "meet Jesus tonight". The lad hopes he has enough pennies to get her these beautiful shoes which are just her size, so she'll look nice when she goes to heaven. He is a little short on funds and our narrator chips in to help the little fella out. The storyteller thus learns the true meaning of Christmas. The End. The Christmas Shoes only hit the low end of the top forty on both the country and pop charts, but became a Christmas staple for radio stations who need a boatload of records when they switch to non-stop holiday music around November 1. A cover version by country ladies 3 of Hearts did equally well about a year later. Newsong released a Christmas album featuring the tune which was nominated for a Grammy as Best Pop/Contemporary Gospel Album.

A series of short novels inspired by the song were published beginning in 2002, followed by three TV movies. The first two movies were for the CBS television network and the first one featured the heavenly Kimberly Williams as the sickly mom with the presumably slovenly footwear. The song itself is quite probably the saddest song ever recorded, with its Christmas references, a dying parent, and (in the Newsong version) a childrens' choir and a scratchy-voiced recitation. Check out the various versions below and see if you don't agree. The worst is probably by 3 of Heart with the oddest by the hip-hop group, FM Static. Comedian Patton Oswalt has an entire stand-up routine about his reaction to hearing the song which is hilarious, though be warned that it is R-rated stuff. I've also provided the link to the first book and the first TV movie. By the way, the Wikipedia entry for this song claims it was inspired by an internet story, but I can find no evidence for that.

Newsong

3 of Hearts

FM Static

Patton Oswalt Stand-up Routine

A talent show home video of two adorable Asian-American children using actual shoes as props!

Book

TV Movie

He counted pennies for what seemed like years,
And cashier says son there's not enough here,
He searched his pockets frantically,
And he turned and he looked at me,
He said Momma made Christmas good at our house,
Though most years she just did without,
Tell me Sir,
What am I gonna do?
Some how I’ve got to buy her these Christmas shoes!

Saddest Song Nominee: Teddy Bear

Candidate #2
“Teddy Bear” by Red Sovine

Teddy Bear hit number 40 on the Billboard Pop chart and number 1 on the Country chart for Red Sovine in 1976. Written by Billy Joe Burnette and Dale Royal along with Sovine and producer Tommy Hill, the song (it’s really not a song, just a narration) tells the story of a little boy in a wheelchair who talks on a CB radio to truckers all day. Teddy Bear is his on-air handle (user id). His dad is dead and mom is lonely and little Teddy Bear needs a friend. Many truckers hear his pleas and visit his home and take turns giving Teddy a ride. It is the happiest day of the pitiful child’s life.

There were a couple of follow-ups of sorts, which tell differing versions of whatever becomes of Teddy Bear. Both follow-ups appear to be authorized- that is, they were written by some of the same folks- so it is unclear which outcome is “real”.

“Teddy Bear’s Last Ride” (also written by Royal and Burnette) was recorded by Diana Williams and the speaker is a neighbor lady who witnessed the truckers’ visit that miraculous day and reveals that Teddy Bear soon after died from the same disease that had placed him in the wheelchair. Lines and lines of big trucks journeyed to the funeral (the truckers all try to ‘comfort’ Mama Teddy Bear, if you know what I mean). There’s a YouTube clip of a version of “Teddy Bear’s Last Ride” identified as being sung by Sovine, but the voice sounds British and it is almost surely not him.

Red Sovine’s own released follow-up was “Little Joe”, a story of a trucker and his faithful dog. Teddy Bear is now an adult truck driver who has been cured and can walk. He helps the trucker, who is blinded in an accident, find his missing doggie. The record hit the 45^th position on the Country chart.

“Teddy Bear” is quite probably the saddest song ever recorded. Below are some links to two versions of the song; see if you don’t agree. I have included the follow-ups, as well, to let you choose which fate for Teddy you prefer. 10-4! And goodbye!

“Teddy Bear”
Red Sovine (1976)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06MfMaxp8RU

Box Car Willie (1982)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_IqX8OELo0

“Teddy Bear’s Last Ride”

DianaWilliams (1976)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDUWtnRroPI

“Little Joe”
Red Sovine (1976)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlnjBQg4U7U&feature=related

The lyrics of the final verse of “Teddy Bear”:

Breaker 1-9, Came a voice on the air
Just one word of thanks, From Mama Teddy Bear
We wish each and every one , A special prayer for you
Cause, You just made my little boy's dream come true.
I'll sign off now, Before I start to cry
May God ride with ya…10-4…. And goodbye

What is the Saddest Song Ever Recorded?

In the history of popular recording, which song is saddest? I'll consider the possibilities in the next few posts.

Candidate #1
“Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks

Seasons in the Sun was a number 1 single for Terry Jacks in 1974.
Originally written and recorded by Jacques Brel, the Belgian folk singer, in 1961, the lyrics were translated into English (from French) by American poet Rod McKuen. The song is a goodbye from a dying man to relatives and friends. The original French version included references to his wife's infidelity though these are often omitted from the English version. It is quite probably the saddest song ever recorded. Below are some links to various versions of the song; see if you don’t agree.

Terry Jacks (1974)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxdOy-dtBfQ&feature=related

Jacques Brel (1961)
“Le Moribond”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Jl-R2NhUiI&feature=related

The Beach Boys (1973)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzjIra9pheU&feature=related

Nirvana (2004)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kO4BF67pvsc

Westlife (1999)
Massively successful Irish boy band. (Yea, I've never heard of them either).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vf31kyAb3ZI&feature=related

Final Verse

Goodbye, Michelle, it's hard to die
when all the bird are singing in the sky,
Now that the spring is in the air.
With the flowers ev'rywhere.
I wish that we could both be there.
We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.
But the stars we could reach
were just starfishs on the beach.